ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We have so much sex to catch up on
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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