Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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