I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
