They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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