he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
