Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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