yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
