She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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