He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
