I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize