theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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