I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize