Are we in a gay sports bar?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
