He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
