pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
