its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
