oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
