I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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