we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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