they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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