also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
