I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
