Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
