She announced her abortion via fbk
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
