no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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