the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
