sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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