I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I believe in your delicious
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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