Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
