I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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