why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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