u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
