i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
