Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
