You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
