I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
