Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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