We named our party play list daddy issues
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
