She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
