kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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