my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
