He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This house was built for laser tag.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
