I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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