Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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