Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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