And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
