I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
