maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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