why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
