Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
