At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
