You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
