I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
