i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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