My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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