Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
