the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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