the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
