I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just found a bag of teeth...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
