I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Actions speak louder than pants.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
