everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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