I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
