i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize