Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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