Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize