I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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