You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
