Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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