tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
two words...techno handjob
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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