You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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