Im at strip club and am horny
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
