Swine flu is the new snow day.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
