I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
