How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
