2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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