I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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