i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need water and some morals
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
