i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
