Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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