The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
