there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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