Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize