That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize