I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
