its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
