he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
