Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize