I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
