I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
