In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
