she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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