i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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