and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
