Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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