What did we do last night that was yellow?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
