First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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