i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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