That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
