absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
