Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize