oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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