you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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